Hello :)

Well it seems to be once a month I make an entry, so a bit to catch you up on.

So my last post was about "Old Me" visiting etc... I really thought if I shared with you all my thoughts & made a confession on how I was slipping up but getting onto it ASAP it would stop me from continuing to self sabotage.  Short story is "Old Me" stayed for a longer visit then intended :(  It really surprises me how fast old habits & bad habits at that, creep back in & it seems so easy to fall back into routines that will destroy all my hard work.

WHY???  It's the same question that always haunts me when I fall off track.  Why am I doing this for?  Why am I allowing these old habits back in?  Why aren't I stronger?  Why can't I control myself more?  Why, Why, Why!!!

Ok so I have a back injury, I am aware that I made my back worse my continuing on with my Gym work-outs involving weights, not good.  An excuse to make me feel better for falling off the wagon, it's not my fault, it can't be helped I have to take it easy, yeah yeah... The thing is I have an injury, so I need to work around it & and adjust my work-outs to what I can do & manage.  Instead I used it as a "Get Out Free Jail Card" & took a long rest break.

In total I had around 4 to 5 weeks off from my normal exercise plan & did maybe 2 or 3 days a week of light exercise & nothing more.  Over this time frame I also laxed on my eating, though I must be honest the eating side has never been my strong point anyway, still very much a work in progress.  I kept justifying it to myself with well at least i'm not gaining, it's just that I wasn't losing really either.

Round 2 of Michelle Bridges has been a complete FAILURE!!!  Ok so not a total complete failure I am 2.5kgs lighter then when I started, but that is a MASSIVE let down to what I had wanted to achieve.

Thankfully in the last week I have managed to find my mojo & get back into some good power walking with my girlfriend Ange.  My friend Ange is a like an energizer bunny, on the go all the time & the girl doesn't have a slow mode button, she's my little speed demon friend who helps me to up my pace & I LOVE it!

Now that I have unloaded & yet again made a confession of my sins, it's time to get my butt moving & start dropping some more weight.  How am I going to do that, by not using EXCUSES, by flexing my WILL POWER MUSCLE & by DETERMINATION, that's how I started this weight loss thing & that's how I am going to continue on with it.

Each day we make decisions in how we want our life to be, some days we are on fire other days you just want to go back to bed so the next day can begin.  Me,  well I have decided if it's a good day YAY, but if it's a bad day, I can always change that day & make it better.   Yes we have the power to make life the way we want it to be, we just need to find the courage to do it & believe we can.  I love to dream, but I also love making those dreams come true & I am already on my way :)

On Saturday 4th of August 2012 I completed the Tough Guy/Tough Gal Challenge, with my friends, Bronya, Kim & my little sister Alyssha, we ROCKED it & LOVED every minute doing it.  We are all pumped to do it again next year, hopefully with a few more friends & we have decided we will dress up for it too.

Then on Saturday 18th of August 2012 I completed the Adrenalin Forest, a High Ropes Course with my friend Bronya.  We did up to Pathway 4, so 4/6 not bad for someone who has a fear of heights.  Again we are looking at doing this again with more people & we are going to tackle Pathway 5 :)  

So with admitting how naughty I have been with my training & eating, the only person I am letting down is myself.  Then I also remember what I have achieved & how far I have come, the above challenges that I committed to & completed is something the "Old Me" would have never done & being 20kgs heavier this time last year something I couldn't have done.  In the end I had a slip now I am back on track, I want to THANK myself for making the positive changes that I have & celebrate all these wonderful goals that I am making happen for ME today!

Another dream I am making happen, is that hubby & I started a savings plan for our trip to Europe in 10 years.  I think it's nice to have something to look forward too & it's going to be so much fun planning our time away.  In 10 years the kids will be older & Marshall & I will be ready & deserving of a long break away :)

Thanks for reading my blog & remember it's all about Creating the LIFE I deserve, so create yours today too!!!

Oops "OLD ME" came to visit!!!!

So I am writing this to say it out loud, to admit to my relapse, to face my demons, to confront the ugly truth, yes I think you get the idea.  It's CONFESSION TIME!!!


The thing is my confession isn't a huge relapse or a big slip, but it's been enough to SCARE me & for me to know that I need to NIP it in the butt NOW!   When it comes to exercise I have that down to a tee & I LOVE it more then I thought was ever possible, realizing that I have more courage then I thought I had in me  to try new things, to explore areas out of my comfort zone, to push myself beyond the limit I thought I was capable of.

My downfall is the "F" word, yes I know I have already admitted to letting FOOD win it's wicked ways with me, but the last few weeks I have been allowing it to creep more & more back into my mouth.  I am aware that I control what my hand feeds my mouth but I am not sure if it's winter or that I have got comfortable with where I am at or that I am struggling to get my next weight loss phase to start???  Actually to be honest all those reasons play a part in the way I have been & now I just have to OWN it & MOVE on.  Being down on myself about the matter isn't going to do any good it's only going to create more weakness for the "OLD ME" to play on.  With that being said I REFUSE to let that happen.

I have an AMAZING support system around me with my hubby, friends, family & the new gym that I am with.  There really isn't any reason for me to feel like I am alone, so why am I behaving like I am???  You see food use to be my comfort friend for when I felt alone, for when I felt like no-one else would understand what I was feeling.  I would consume food & let it push down those feelings that I wasn't ready to deal with, cover up the real issue, force feed my denial literally.  All that ever did was mask my pain with more layers of FAT to carry on my body, that isn't healthy either.  So these days I may see the old habits move back in on a very temporary basis, the difference is my eyes are more open, the "NEW ME" knows to grab the emotion that I am feeling & to deal with it.

Nothing in life is easy, otherwise we wouldn't need to have our vices our little bad habits to get us through the day & so on.  Life is all about self discovery, learning how to cope with dramas of all kinds, teaching ourselves to understand that we aren't perfect but we are human.  I have learnt that I need to be kind to myself, to acknowledge my downfalls but to focus on how far I have come more then anything to remember the achievements I have completed in the last 6 months.

Now that I have shared my little slip in the road,  the "NEW ME" will take back the POWER!

6 months ago, I wouldn't have believed that I could lose 20.2kgs, that I could run a 5km Fun Run, that I would be getting up at 5.30am each morning to do my work-out & that walking up The Mount would be one of my favourite pass times.

A view of the Mount in the distance taken from the Papamoa Hills.

Being blessed to live in such a beautiful part of the world, truly is a gift.  Today I got to enjoy some of that beauty while I walked the Papamoa Hills with my friend Bronya.  Together we have decided to always do one event each month, this can be a paid & organized event or something we make up.  These are some of our goals to complete by the end of the year.
August Saturday 4th, Tough Guy/ Tough Gal Challenge in Rotorua.
August Saturday 18th, Adrenlin Forrest, Pyes Pa, Tauranga.
September Saturday 15th, A "BIG" Mount Session, made up by us.
October Saturday 27th & Sunday 28th, The Pinnacles Walk, Coromandal.
November Sunday 25th a 10km Fun Run, Tauranga.

Looking at that list I am pretty happy I have so much to look forward too & to work towards, it's exciting!!!

I could ramble on for ages about so many things but time does not allow it, but I have shared the part that I needed to share the most & I thank you for being there for me to do so.

Thanks again for reading my post & remember it's all about Creating the LIFE I deserve ;)

Oh, how my life has changed!

Hello everyone

Well we are heading into week 5 of Michelle Bridges 12WBT, tomorrow Monday 2nd of July 2012.

This weight loss journey has truly taken me on a ride, experiencing some highs, lows & a whole lot more.  When I made the decision to do this, I knew mentally I was ready, physically I needed to do it & emotionally I knew I was going to be having some deep realization moments.  With that being said you are never prepared as you think you are when you begin a new way to live, because that's what I am doing, not a new quick fix lets lose some weight & I will see if I can keep it off.  2012 was going to be all about me & changing my habits for the better & for GOOD!!!!!  Don't get me wrong, I had the mind set ready, the determination rearing & plenty of inspiration to get me going, my mind was made up & I wasn't going to chuck it all in after the first small bump that was going to come my way, HELL NO.  I knew there were going to be many small bumps & some HUGE ASS mountains I was going to have climb to get where I was to be.

After 5 1/2 months I am over halfway through my weight loss journey & I have come a long way, but I still have a lot of hard work ahead of me & much more that I want to achieve.  My exercising feels like it's a habit now not an effort my food however is still an area where much more work is needed.  For some reason I keep using my old ways to cope with issues in life, old ways being lets eat our emotions lets comfort myself with a treat or two.  Who cares if i'm not hungry or it's a band aid for the real reason that needs to be dealt with,  lets do what we have always done & leave it at that.  I must admit I have improve on how much I do scoff into my gob when using old ways to deal with pain or frustration.  I will say to myself well it's no where near as bad as I once was, what am trying to do.  YES reason with myself by making myself believe it's ok because it's still better then I once was.  SHIT have I not learnt anything, FOOD will never be the right answer.  The right answer is to understand why I am doing what I do, why I feel that's the only way to deal with situations where I feel lost, confused, hurt.  FOOD has always been my comfort companion, I do feel a little lost without my food friend, but it's time to get hard with myself & face my fears, face my demons & face reality.

So the past couple of weeks, I have had a few health hurdles.  Terrible throbbing headache, a sore back after putting it out mildly & now I am down with the flu :(  Yes shitty time, but no time for a self pity party.  Just a part of life, we will incur sickness & injuries along the way.  Usually this is a time where I would fall off the wagon when I have a number of health issues happening at once, though this time I am viewing it with eyes wide open & know it's just small time frame in the big picture.  These things will not get me down & I will not fall back into old patterns & use this as an EXCUSE to give it.  Six months ago I would have been oh well can't do anything at the moment, don't want to make things worse, better rest & just wait till I am 100%, this could well be 2 weeks as I always wanted to be safe & overly cautious.  However this time, I took a day of for my headache, I took 2 days off for my back & I am using today as a rest day for my flu & might even have tomorrow off too.  That's it though, last week I had signed up to a new gym called Tauranga Strength & Conditioning, this was a new challenge for me where I would be pushing myself in a new way & I was all pumped for it.  So you can imagine my misery after doing my back in last weekend & having to miss my 1st class on Monday at 5.30am, went to the Osteopath on Monday she seemed to help & I started to do my exercises that she gave me & just did light lifting & careful moving.  My Osteopath told me to have the week off but I thought hmmm I will see how I go, the old me would have said oh I better take the week off then.  Wednesday I was at my 5.30am class & just did what I could, I went again on Thursday & Friday at 5.30am & then again Saturday at 7am.  Plus I did my usual Mount session after my class on Friday.  I started with a sore throat on Thursday morning but went down hill Saturday afternoon, yes I think my body is telling me to rest, so I am listening to it but I am not going to use these reasons to hold me back any longer then they need to.  It's AMAZING what you are actually capable of doing when you stop using excuses.

This is what I am happiest about the most, my new attitude, my new determination, my new lease on life & most of all my new positive mind frame.  In the past making EXCUSES has never been a problem & most of all it's never bothered me that I was an EXCUSE queen.  Now though I don't want EXCUSES to be a part of my life & I do not want them to stop me from living my life.  Don't get me wrong if I really need to rest because I am exhausted I will, i'm not going to be much help if I push myself beyond my limits, but I also know my limits are much bigger then I give myself credit for.  I think excuses for me was a way of hiding, just in case I failed with what I wanted to achieved, using sickness or injury as my cover story.  Honestly who was I failing though, no one but my own expectations.  So I was being my own worst enemy, the fact is these days I think just getting out there & giving something a go & if you come, 1st, 10th or last it doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is that you got out there & gave it a go & did your best.  This should be your only expectation of yourself to try things out of your comfort zone & give it 100%, FEAR is crippling sometimes & I have allowed that to hinder me too many times but not anymore.  FEAR is my friend, because it's making me realize I am stronger & much more capable of doing more then I have ever thought possible, I am being a willing participant in my own LIFE & it feels bloody awesome.

Just wanted to share with you some photos of my journey so far.  I haven't shared this blog apart from private groups but now I am going to share this on my page for the 1st time on Facebook, that's another step towards not being scared of who I was & who I have become.  I am proud to be ME & I am embracing life with both arms giving it a BIG hug of gratefulness :)

Me at my heaviest on my 35th birthday party 01.07.11,  97.7kgs 

(was so close to that dreaded 3 digit number)

Here I am at 92.7kgs 05.01.12 (thinking I was looking ok, if I hid under loose tops etc...)

Here I am on the official start of Michelle Bridges 12WBT Round 1 13.02.12 at 87.4kgs

This was taken on 29.06.12, I am wearing size 12 & weighing 78.4kgs 

& I have also lost a total of 126.5cms all over.

So I am wanting to lose at least another 13.4kgs & I may go for more, I am just going after small goals at a time & I hope to be at my goal weight by 16th of Dec 2012 & ROCKING my new look for Xmas & NYE!

Thanks for reading my blog & here's to creating the LIFE I deserve, why don't you join me & create the life you deserve, it's a much better way to live :)

Week 3 :)

So can't believe we are already in Week 3 of 12WBT program, it's been awesome so far!

In 2 weeks I have managed to lose 1.3kgs so far & I am crossing fingers I can make that more with the next weigh in on Wednesday, total weight loss is 19kgs so close to the 20kg mark.  I have always struggled with the food side of things & it's my aim to improve on this area in this round, I have not been the greatest I can say however I have made some small improvements on it & I can only get better.  Upping my exercise has been easy & I am loving pushing myself more in this area.

19 kilograms = 41.8878298 pounds

I meet the lovely Kimberly Hammond around a month ago, Kimberly is a newbie to Michelle Bridges 12WBT & has joined the Kiwi support group on Facebook.  We hit it off & have meet up a couple of times, Kimberly introduced me to my 1st PT (personal training) Session & my body ached the next day & the day after that,  I woke up muscles that obviously been sleeping for sometime & felt soreness & pain in a new way the crazy thing is I LOVED feeling that.  It made me realized I needed to do this more & keep working these lazy muscles & make them stronger.  So I would like to THANK Kimberly for taking me to my 1st class & I am pumped to do my 2nd session this coming Saturday :)  I can only do every 2nd Saturday due to work commitments but I will increase my sessions once I get a routine sorted & the weather is a bit warmer, it's hard to exercise outside in this cold, but I am pushing through it & continuing on with me exercise nothing is going to stop me getting the body I want!

I made the decision last week that I am going to use my Monday's & Fridays plus my day off in the weekend as my days to burn 1000 calories, I have Zumba on Wednesday & then I try to do a couple of small walks or DVD's on another 2 days.  My aim is to exercise 5 days a week this suits me more, if I get to do 6 that's just a bonus :)

I made a goal of walking/jogging 150kms for the month of June & I have already completed 92kms only 58kms to go, not a problem, going to power out some decent kms this coming Friday & Saturday.

Today I achieved another mini goal, I have been trying to walk up the Mount, down & around once in under 1 hour for a little while now but haven't really pushed myself to do this, the closest I got was 1hour & 2mins but my average is 1hour & 8mins, today however with the help of my friend Kylie I finally did it YAY, my official time was 58mins & 41secs, so pretty happy about that.  These are only small goals but they make me remember & realize how far I have come & what I can do when I set my mind to do so.

My next decent challenge has been set & paid for my Tough Guy/Tough Gal Challenge on Saturday 4th of August 2012 in Rotorua, NZ I am doing this with a few friends & we are doing the 6km event, I am super excited about it & looking forward to seeing what I am made of again in a different way.  This is a completely cold & muddy event usually & I am a bit of a girlie girl so I am going out of my comfort zone with this one, but you know what I don't care I will have myself a concrete pill & just harden up for it :)

So that's it for me now, thanks for reading my blog & remember I am Creating the LIFE I deserve!

I'm Back!!!!

Hi Everyone

Well it's been 4 weeks since my last post & lots has happen in that small amount of time :)

So I finished the 12WBT Challenge with a reasonable happy result for myself.

I went to Melbourne on Thursday 17th of May for a girls weekend away with my best mate & cousin Mandy, to celebrate our weight loss & to go to the Finale Party & Group Work-Out.

Was an amazing few days, did a lot of shopping & found some really good buys, which is nothing unusual for me as I like to get the most for my $. 

My gorgeous cherry dress that I got for 1/2 price, have always wanted a dress like this, so I am very happy with my purchase!

I also got to be a part of a Guinness Book World Record, for the biggest group work-out total number of people were 1165, Wahoo it was AWESOME to be involved in such a big event & feel the energy from everyone there!

This is me with some of the 12wbt girls, we rocked it out in our work-out!  

Me with Michelle Bridges, yes I am a very happy girl getting to get up & close for a photo with Michelle!

Then later that night we partied at the Plaza Ballroom, with wine flowing freely, great night had :) This is me below all dressed up for a night of celebration after losing 12.5kgs during the 1st Round this includes pre-season.

After my few days in Melbourne I came back home all inspired to get back to it & back to my weight loss journey.  I heard some fabulous weight loss stories & saw some fantastic results from some ladies.  I was like if she can achieve that I can so do it too, had this motivation again, YAY!!!!

I only got through half the week before I felt old habits creeping back in to visit & feeling like oh shit am I strong enough to do this on my own.  After talking to hubby & having a small melt down with tears I decided nope I needed the support system of the 12WBT program, as crazy as it sounds adding in my weight each week makes me feel a bit more accountable then just sharing it with my support pages that I am with.  My hubby does find it difficult to understand but if I hadn't achieved the results I had on the last round he wouldn't have been supportive of me doing another round.  Since I did achieve good results on the last round he was a little more understanding of letting me do it again if it was what I needed to do.  So Friday night I signed up for Round 2 on Michelle Bridges 12WBT & I am fully excited about it.  I know that on the 1st Round I did not commit to it 100% I did well & I am over the moon with the loss I managed to do with only a half pie commitment.  So Round 2 I am ready to SMASH IT!!!!!  I am prepared to do what it takes & I am going to challenge myself more too.  Even though I am much fitter & healthier then I was before Jan 16th 2012 when  started this program there is still so much work to be done to be where I want to be.  I have decided to take this fire I have in my belly & to use it 110%, I know I am not perfect & I am only human so I may slip up, but I am determined not to get down on myself but to move on & get straight back on track, plus I am aware life is to be lived I just need to find the balance.

I want to THANK everyone who has inspired me with this journey that I am on & for the wonderful support I have been given & the beautiful words that have been spoken to me & the lovely encouraging comments & compliments that have been said to me through - out the last few months.  This really has been an amazing journey & I feel utterly blessed to have meet some gorgeous people through this all.  For all the people that have said to me WOW you have lost 18kgs in total since September 2011, you look GREAT what an awesome achievement, I must say THANK - YOU.  I know I have trouble accepting these compliments as my 1st reaction is to say oh but I am only half way through my weight lost journey I still have another 18kgs to lose.  I know 18kgs lost is nothing to scoff about but something to be proud about & I am, just imagine how proud I am going to be when I get to say I have lost 36kgs, hmmm seems a way off but I know this will be achieved by my date of December 16th 2012, so stayed tuned :)

My next mission is to work through my pre-seasons tasks & complete them all with honesty & commitment.

Thanks again for taking the time to read my blog & remember it's all about Creating the life I deserve :)

Round 1 finished & completed!

So after 16 weeks all up I completed the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation, YAY!!!!

What a journey that was, meet some awesome & amazing ladies through this program thanks to some wonderful groups I found on Facebook :)  I achieved some goals, lost some weight & discovered I am stronger & more dedicated than I thought I was.

Ok so the journey is far from over for me & the last 16 weeks didn't happen without some slip ups along the way, but all & all I am happy at how far I have come & know that I can only keep on getting better with each day that passes & that I proceed to continue to live with my new habits as a life style.  This wasn't just for 16 weeks & now I am going back to my old way of living this was a new way for me to live & a much better & happier way for me to live.

So with Round 1 under my belt these are my final results:

Weight Loss Results:
Weight loss from September 2011 = 17.5kgs
Weight loss from 16th Jan 2012 = 12.5kgs
Weight loss from 13th Feb 2012 = 6.8kgs

Centimeters Lost Results:
CM's gone from September 2011 = 108cms
CM's gone from 16th Jan 2012 = 66cms
CM's gone from 13th Feb 2012 = 37cms

Fitness Test Results:
1km Time Trial: Wk1: 7mins & 36secs Wk2: 6mins & 30secs (1min & 6 secs faster)
Wall Sit: Wk1: 24secs Wk2: 2 mins ( 1min & 36secs longer)
Sit & Reach Test: Wk1: +21cms Wk2: +24cms
Push Ups On Toes: Wk1: 0 Wk2: 5 (not my strongest area here)
Push Ups On Knees: Wk1: 26 Wk2: 30 (only a slight improvement, an area I need a lot of work on)
Ab Strength Test:  No change stayed on level 3.

So I made some improvements overall, I can see & feel that I much fitter then I was at the start of the year & my confidence in myself is improving I am feeling a bit more comfortable in my own skin.  I am not where I want to be as of yet but I am on my way & that is something worth smiling about & being proud of.

Too many times we beat ourselves up on what we didn't achieve & how we didn't succeed with the expectations of ourselves.  I have come to understanding that I am not doing that anymore as it isn't productive & it's not helping me to get where I want to go.  I read this quote & it rang truth to me & I when I find myself feeling this way I remember this quote & say it to myself.

It's not that I am unhappy where I am at & it's not that I begrudge the people who are doing well, it's just sometimes I wish I was doing better.  So instead I will remember this quote & remember that we all achieve our goals in our own time & as long as I keep working at it & staying positive I too will get to my ultimate goal :)

I am half way through my weight loss journey, I didn't make the 10kg loss like I had wanted to in the 12 weeks & I didn't get to 79.9kgs on my last weigh in but I did still lose 12.5kgs in 16 weeks & I say CONGRATS to me for that :)

However the day after the last official weigh in day I was 79.9kgs, so I am in the 70's, HOORAY!!!!

I have not signed up for Round 2 as $$$ were a bit short, I do have the tools that I need that I learnt from Michelle Bridges & I have the wonderful support from my groups with the amazing ladies that I was telling you about & I have my inner strength that WANTS ME to succeed, so I think I am prepared & ready to continue with the next phase of my weight loss journey.

Thanks again for taking the time out to read my story & for the lovely support & kinds words that are given & I look forward to sharing more with you as I travel further along my path of Creating the LIFE I deserve :)

P.S. A BIG THANK-YOU TO MICHELLE BRIDGES!!!!!

( Just remember Michelle gave us the push, but we have done the hard work, so remember to thank yourself too)

Week 8 into the 12WBT!

So it's the last day of week 8 for all us 12wbter's & WOW what a trip it has been.  I am constantly surprised at how much things can change in such a short time frame.  My fitness level has improved immensely, my exercise habits are becoming more consistent & my food habits are improving though this is the hardest one that I am struggling with to get under control.

I had my 1st gain last week, I wasn't surprised as it was TTOTM (that time of the month) plus I had been sick the week before & no matter how sick I am I always eat for comfort :(  So I was expecting a gain luckily it was only 0.7kgs so not as bad as I thought it could of been.  I OWN my number & decided fine next week I am going to kick arse :)

I have done some good work out's but I did allow myself a treat or 2, as I think it's unrealistic not to be able to live in the normal world without doing this from time to time.  I do think back & I know how much better I am with my decision making when it comes to food choices & the quantity I am going to allow myself to indulge in.  1 day or 1 night out is NOT going to undo all my HARD WORK, just means I have to work harder after an indulgent time is had & enjoyed.

So the next 3 days I have to give it my all to make sure those scales are nice to me on Wednesday, weigh in day.  I am having a battle with myself you see my next target is to be in the 70's which is so close & I feel like I am self sabotaging myself from getting there.  Only 2.5kgs away from being 79.9kgs, I just need to FOCUS & make this happen & stop telling myself it's too hard coz I know from personal experience this is POSSIBLE & I DESERVE it so why do I keep going up & down when I am so close.  NO more EXCUSES but some BLOODY hard work from ME is needed, so here goes!!!

So i'm in week 8 of the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation you need to redo your Fitness Test & I am happy with my results & my improvement, it's really gratifying to see how far I have come in such a short time.  So here are my results :)

1km Time Trial, Wk 1: 7 mins & 36 secs, Wk 8: 6mins & 44 secs, (52 secs faster)
Push Up Test, Wk 1: Toes 0, Knees 26, Wk 8: Toes 5, knees 30.
Abdominal Strength Test, Wk 1: Level 3, Wk 8: Level 3 (remain the same so close to Level 4 though)
Wall Sit, ( I detest this) Wk 1: 24 secs, Wk 8: 1min & 20 secs (56secs longer)
Sit & Reach, Wk 1: +21cm, Wk 8: +24cm (I have always been flexible plus I have short legs)

So when I see my figures in black & white it makes my brain think, I have done pretty DAM good & I need to take some of my praise that I give to others & give myself a BIG pat on the back too.  I am the one making this happen for myself no-one else can take credit for my achievements.  I can THANK people for their inspiration, for the helpful tips they have shared for the encouraging & supportive words they have given me but ultimately I have to THANK myself for making the change & giving myself the LIFE I deserve with the positive attitude that really is needed when embarking on this sort of journey.  The mind is a powerful tool we can either let it hold us back or we can open it up to discover what else we have in ourselves, I know which option I am taking.

Just wanted to share a photo of myself that I got my hubby to take of me, when I was all dressed up ready to go out.  I never get photos of myself but now that I am feeling a bit more comfortable in my skin I want more photos taken to document my journey & my progress to see how far I have come. I am a visual person when it comes to seeing the difference.  This was taken Friday 6th of April, i'm off out to celebrate my friend's birthday.

Current weight 82.4kgs (from last weigh in)

I will let you know how weigh goes for me on Wednesday this week, my aim is to be 77.4kgs by the time I go to Melbourne on May 17th 2012, this will mean that my total weight loss will be at the 20kg mark & I will only be in the overweight range for my BMI currently I am still obese.

Thanks for reading my blog & remember it's all about creating the LIFE I deserve, Happy Easter :)

Finally seeing it for myself, YAY!!!

Hello everyone

So after my very emotional release last week & gaining an understanding about my weight issues, I have lost another 0.9kgs this week :)

Here are my stats:
Since September 2011 I have lost a total of 15kgs & 15.4% percent of my body weight, YAY!
Since January 13th 2012 I have lost 10kgs.
Since February 16th 2012 I have lost 4.8kgs & 5.5% of my body weight.

Now for some before & after photos to show the difference, I apologize now for not smiling, but I am going to make more of an effort from now on to be happy in my photos, lol.

15kgs lost in these photos!

10kgs lost in these photos!

I am 2.5kgs away from being in the 70's again & I can't wait & know I will do this, so roll on 79.9kgs here I come! (oh & when I reach 79.9kgs too I will finally be in the overweight BMI range)   Only another 4.7kgs & I then will have lost 20kgs since the beginning of my weight loss journey.

I went shopping this week & brought 2 items in a size 12, I am still officially a size 14 but I can vary from a 12/14 on the top & I am happy about that.  I also purchased my dress for the Finale Party in Melbourne, can't wait to celebrate with my bestie Mandy Howells who I have done this weight loss journey with.  We may have an ocean between us but we have been there for each other every step of the way, so our reward is going to Melbourne & celebrating with all the other 12WBT people.  Along with Mandy I will also be sharing a special celebration drink & hug with Cass Thurston the amazing lady that inspired me to take this step & try this program, to her I must say a BIG THANK-YOU!

Our tickets have been purchased & our accommodation booked & paid for, so just have to save up for some spending money to be able to buy a few little things for myself.

I am very grateful & thankful for the AWESOME support I have found with the ladies in the Facebook groups that I am with who are also doing the Michelle Bridges 12WBT Program.  Your words of support & advice have meant so much & have been truly appreciated, you have made my journey a lot easier & helped me when I needed it too.  My wise friend Mandy said something today to another lady on 1 of the support pages I am with, there is no limit for that finish line you will reach your finish line when you get there & I WILL!

My life is blessed with so much & I have only enriched my life more by allowing myself to travel this path towards my journey, of Creating the LIFE I deserve.

In memory of Joshua & Samantha Garner ♥♥♥

Hello people

So I had a huge thing happen today, I said it out loud why I am where I am today with my weight & what I used as a reason for allowing myself to get where I was,  to become who I was.

You see I lost my baby brother Joshua & baby sister Samantha in a horrible car accident coming up 4 years on June 15th & July 7th.  Joshua died instantly & Samantha passed away after fighting for 3 weeks, but they were both in the same accident.

Anyway I have been saying it to myself for a couple of weeks but I said it out loud today to 2 different friends & both times I got emotional & as I type this I have tears in my eyes.  After the accident in 2008 I found comfort in food as I usually do & over a 3 year period I gained 20kgs, yip that's right 20 bloody kilos!!!

So my wake up call was when I saw a photo of myself from my 35th birthday in July last year & in September I thought I have to lose this weight, so I began to exercise & cut back on my food intake.  I lost 5kgs but it never went any further then that because I just wasn't fully committed to doing it.  Then my friend Cass discovered the Michelle Bridges 12WBT program & she achieved amazing results which got me interested.  So in Jan 2012 when the pre-season began I started to take things seriously & I made the changes that I needed to make, part of it was because I spent money which I didn't want to be a waste of time doing plus my hubby wouldn't let me live it down if I didn't try my hardest.  I also have a competitive nature & have a few friends doing this program with me & I use that also to push me.  I know we are all in the same boat & wanting the same thing but if they are doing really well I want to be doing the same, so it encourages me to stay on track.

So the big self discovery is that while talking with my friend Bronya today I actually explained something to her that made sense & also helped me to understand why it had been hard for me to lose the weight this time.  You see I was using the food as comfort but I was also using the food as a way to focus on something different, MY WEIGHT!!!  If I got bigger I only had to concentrate on that, with great i'm fat, i'm looking awful, I don't want to go out because I don't want people to see me like this etc...  I am soon realizing though as I am shedding that weight I am also shedding my shield that was hiding my pain, the grief that I was burying away & trying to avoid dealing with.  Yip coming up 4 years & some may say that I should have dealt with my issues surrounding that, but nope I haven't as my focus was on my weight just the way I wanted it to be.

Here I am 14.5kgs lighter & my protective layer is being taken away, so now I have to open up & deal with the grief.  This will sound silly but I feel with every kilo I lose a part of them is disappearing too, which I know isn't true but I hope you understand what I am trying to say.  Now I am completely crying while typing because I am letting go of so much hurt & anger from what was taken from me & my family when I lost my beautiful sister & my wonderful brother.  Life is cruel & things will never be the same, however I am here still alive & I was blessed to have been given Joshua for 24 years & Samantha for 14 years & I wouldn't change a thing about that part.

I am a believer that everything happens for a reason, even though I can't understand the reason behind this.  I can be thankful that Samantha's lungs helped to save 2 kids lives & that Joshua graced us with gorgeous twin boys who remind us every day what a awesome daddy he was & would have been.  Also the area where that accident happened had work done on it pretty much straight away after the accident & what happened to my brother & sister should never happen again as a barrier is now up.  If that barrier had of been there when their accident happened they would still be with us today.  So in the end they have saved other families having to go through what we had to endure of losing our loved ones.

There is always more then just being FAT or overweight, there is always a story to why someone has got to be where they have & my facing up to mine it is allowing me to live the life I should be living & to grieve for my lost loved ones properly.

♥♥♥ RIP Samantha & Joshua ♥♥♥

"I am Creating the LIFE I deserve"

4 Weeks done in the 12WBT!

Wow, 4 weeks into the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation Program.

Feeling like the time is flying as we are already into week 5 of the actual program plus we had the 4 weeks on the pre-season, another 8 weeks to go.

Yesterday I had an emotional day, took some photos to compare to my photos from week 1 & I didn't see much of a difference which upset me & put me in a grump for a lot of the day yesterday.  I am a visual person & I have to admit not many people have noticed my weight loss & I have lost 12.5kgs so far & have lost over 81cms off my body.  So some excellent work achieved my ME by doing the hard work.  The one person that keeps telling me how great & sexy I am looking & how I am getting skinnier is my wonderful hubby he really is my best supporter & man I LOVE him for it!

I made up some weight loss jars last week as a way to help me to stay motivated & to watch my weight progress in a visual manner. Have lost 12.5kgs so far & have another 19.7kgs to go to be at my 1st ulitmate goal weight & then I will re-look at it :)

However I am getting lots of people telling me how great I am doing with my exercise & that I am doing so well & to keep it up plus some people have also said that reading my posts is giving them the push that they need to do something about their exercise & weight loss goals, so that's rewarding & humbling to know.  Though I have to tell people there isn't a magic pill doing this for me, it all ME baby, my determination, my hard work, my sweat, my goals & my journey :)

Funny after 35 years here on earth & I am only just realizing that it's TRUE, clean eating & exercise is the key to good health & a great life & the best way to lose unwanted weight!

I completed my 4 week mini goal this morning, I walked around the Mount in beautiful Tauranga, Bay of Plenty (though I must admit it was rain & an overcast day, lol) & then I walked up the Mount twice.  It was hard but not as hard as I had made it in my mind.  Burnt 903 calories, yay! Once upon a time rain would have stopped me from doing exercise outside & would have been an excuse, NOT anymore the new ME doesn't mind a bit of rain because I realized i'm not going to dissolve in the rain, lol, it was actually enjoyable walking  in the rain a little refreshing :)

I have noticed I am much slower then others when it comes to doing certain exercises but I am improving from where I 1st began that's for sure.  I never say I run because I don't I am a slow jogger to say the least if not a shuffle walk at times, but I am moving & it helps to keep my heart rate up :)

If someone was to say to me that I would enjoy jogging one day I would have laughed in their face, but I must admit I find it therapeutic & use it as my "ME TIME" plus it is a great way to let go of stress.

So I have 2 1/2 weeks to get to my next goal weight to be 79.9kgs, so I am looking forward to weigh in on Wednesday because if what I saw on the scales this morning is anything to go by it should be a great loss for me.  Will keep you informed :)

Thanks again for reading my blog & remember I am Creating the LIFE I deserve xo

Another weigh done with the 12WBT!

Hi everyone

So this morning I was up at 6.25am, straight to the loo for my morning pee before I weigh myself, get to the scales & remove my thermal socks & winter Pj's coz every bit helps :)  Yay another 0.5kgs gone!!!!!

So in total my stats are as follows:

Have lost 0.5kgs this week 85.4kgs

Have lost 1.8kgs since 13th Feb 2012

Have lost 7kgs since 16th Jan 2012

Have lost 12kgs since Sept 2011

WHOOP WHOOP!!!

Now for my stats in measurements, coz I was feeling a little down at how slow the weight was going I wanted to see how that was moving along.

Have lost 15cm's since 13th Feb 2012

Have lost 38.5cm's since 16th Jan 2012

Have lost 81 cm's since Sept 2011

Another WHOOP WHOOP!!!

So looking at what I have achieved I should be pretty chuffed at where I have got, but I'm not completely.  I am being a bit silly & playing mind games with myself.  I know I could achieve better results if I work harder & push myself more but I also know that can hinder me & I can derail myself with getting where I want to be.  

My problem is that I am comparing myself to others & seeing the massive results that they are getting & thinking man why aren't I pulling the bigger numbers etc...  This is really stupid but I am going to the Finale Party in May for the Michelle Bridges 12WBT end of Round 1 for 2012 & this is my 1st round & I have given myself till the end of the year to get to my ultimate goal weight. 

This is my reward from my hubby & I am sooooo excited & happy that I get to go but I keep thinking oh great I am going to be the FAT friend still even with my weight loss.  You see I get to share this with 2 of my friends, Cass who is the one who inspired me to join up & do this program after losing 15kgs on the 1 round she did last year Cass is on her 2nd round now.  Mandy is my other close friend/cousin doing it too, Mandy & I are the same weight at the moment but she has a lovely statuesque figure where as I am a shorty, lol. 

I keep telling myself my journey is my journey & no one else's so I shouldn't belittle myself & judge myself on others achievements, my lovely friends have worked hard to get to where they are & deserve the awesome results that they have achieved.  So knowing that I have given myself till 16th Dec 2012 to be at my ultimate goal why am I doing this to myself, because I am impatient & I want it NOW!!!  Another reason I think I am beating myself up about this is that I just saw these friends in early Jan this year & when I see them next I want them to see a difference.  By no means am I jealous in the sense to what they have achieved because I am so happy with the dedication they have given to the program & find them to be so inspiring & I am completely proud of them both & super happy for how far they have come. I could however be jealous that they will be skinnier then me, lol, the evil green eyed monster appearing I think aaarrrggghhhh NO!!!!

In conclusion I have had my rant, tantrum & spat the dummy.  Shared my issues as sharing is always good & realize that nit picking like I am isn't going to get me anywhere it's only going to hurt my journey & sabotage what I have already achieved.  Secretly maybe that's what I want to do sabotage this journey, but you know what that isn't going to happen as I am much stronger then this silly voice in my head that keeps trying to tell me you have done well just be happy to where you have got already.  Not going to happen I CAN & I WILL complete my journey till I get to my ULTIMATE GOAL!!!

For the month of February I made a challenge to walk/jog 100kms, I can happily say that I finished that goal today with my end result being 100.5kms, YAY!!!

I have made my next challenge for the month of March being 150km walk/jog & 300km bike, this sounds huge but when you break it down to 31 days it works out to be 4.8kms for the walk/jog part a day & 9.6kms for the bike ride a day so it's not that scary looking at it like that.  So wish me luck in my March challenge & I will keep you informed in how I am going :)

Anyway thanks for reading my post & allowing me to share my ups & downs.

Remember it's all about Creating the LIFE I deserve!!!

The 12WBT Begins today Officially!

Hi everyone

I have been a bit quiet as I was sick last week, just not feeling 100% my usual self.  I was working extra hours at my part-time job & I was looking after extra kids in the morning & afternoon.  So the exercise wasn't as good as I would usually do, didn't want to push my body when I had so much on my plate & I have learnt from the past that when my body tells me to rest I need to listen to it & REST!


Last week saw me picking up some extra permanent hours at work, YAY!!!!  Things have been a bit tight with the $$$ the last few weeks as hubby has had to stay with doing only 40 hour per week.  Things changed on Friday for both of us though I got the extra hours & hubby got a big job in that needs to be completed in the new few weeks so he will be working longer now, so some extra $$$ coming our way.  The universe listened once again & delivered, I am really loving this being grateful for what I have & asking for what I need & it happening because I am believing, I  know some of you might say it's just luck really but I don't see it that way.  Since I have started appreciating what I have in life & being more positive whenever a bump in the road appears something tends to happen to help that bump disappear.

So yesterday when I started to do my measurements & weight I wanted to be completely honest to where I am at & not cheat or lie to myself, because really what is that achieving but giving me false happiness.  I asked hubby to stand on the scales to where I had been weighing myself everyday over the last 4 weeks & he pretty much never changes in weight.  When he hopped on it was 2 or 3kgs lighter then usual so I was like SHIT bugger it that means my number isn't as low as I had thought :(  So we found a leveled spot in the house on hard floor & re-weighed.

So as from yesterday 12th February 2012 my weight & measurements are :)
Weight: 87.2kgs
Bust: 98cms
Waist: 89cms
Hips: 115cms ( a lot of work to do here)
Thighs both: 66cms
R Arm: 33.5cms
L Arm: 32.5cms


So even though I am heavier today I have still lost 5kgs in pre-season of The 12WBT & a total of 10kgs since September 2011, feeling pretty happy about that.  Another awesome thing that happened today is that I fit into my 1st piece of goal clothing, my OLD FAT jeans, LOL!  These use to be baggy on me but I am just happy to say that they fit again, WHOOP WHOOP!!!!!


So to put things in perspective here are some photos for you to see the difference, it's not's huge yet but it's a start.

This is me on my 35th birthday last year July 2011 with my eldest daughter Kyra, I was my heaviest here.  My face is so round & full & my bust is about to explode out of that dress, not a good look!

Here I am at a friends wedding November 2011, have only lost 5kgs but it was the beginning for me to continue :)

This is me nearly at my 10kgs mark loss, 5th Feb 2012 at another friends wedding.

I can see it in my face the weight loss so far & it's been nice that others have noticed it too, getting some lovely comments from people.  I have started my journey & I am embarking on it with full force & commitment & watch out world Melissa Howell is about to ROCK a new look for life!!!

I am Creating the LIFE I deserve :)

Week 2 on the 12WBT

Hi everyone

So my 2nd week on the 12WBT, went a little differently to the 1st.  I got in a bit of a FUNK & found it hard to pull myself out of it.  I didn't complete as much exercise as I had in the 1st week & I wasn't counting my calories very well just doing estimates, plus it's the week before I get my friend & I am always a little more moody then usual, lol.

Then I thought to myself you know what, ok I haven't been achieving the 500 calories for exercise everyday & yes I have been making some bad food choices.  Overall though I have taken some good steps in travelling down this new path that I have ventured on & I haven't given up!  I am making more of an effort to exercise 6 days a week & if I miss a day the next day I have to do a bit more to make up for it etc...  I have come a long way to where the (OLD ME) would have self sabotaged myself in harsher ways & may of just given up. Not the (NEW ME) though I talked myself out of my rut & got myself back on track!!!!!!!

This is me telling OLD ME where to go & saying NEW ME is here to stay!

Ok so here's my break down of my week for exercise & what I accomplished!

MONDAY - Was a complete write off, this is where my funk started.

TUESDAY - I managed to do Michelle Bridge's Super Shredder DVD work-out & burnt 307 calories.

WEDNESDAY - I did a bike ride with the kids & burnt 297 calories.

THURSDAY - Did a 5km jog & burnt 403 calories.

FRIDAY - Another day off, oops.

SATURDAY - Did my 6.5km jog & burnt 500 calories.

SUNDAY - Was my MASSIVE day, I did a 5.5km jog in the morning & burnt 500 calories & in the arvo I did 10km jog & burnt another 847 calories a total of 1347 calories in 1 day :)

So my total for the week was 2854 calories burnt, almost a 1000 less then the 1st week, but on reflection not a bad effort & bloody better then nothing, which was the case a while back before my health kick started!

1178 calories in this so 2 of these would almost equal what I worked off, not what I would waste my calories on!

So if you were on a 2000 a day calorie intake look at how much you have left, not a lot!  I am on a 1200 calorie intake a day so 1 of these would be me for the day, NOT a clever choice.  Helps to see things like this to put things in perspective!

So it's Measure Monday for me & I have lost 23 & 1/2cms in total in 2 weeks & 1.8kgs, so I am pretty dam HAPPY with that & I am going to work hard to lose the next 2.9kgs in the next 2 weeks to get to my 1st goal weight of 85kgs :)

Something I am continuing to work on, this year is about me getting my health back on track, my body where I want it to be & making better food choices to fuel by body with.

Some more wise words to remember, we are all built differently & we all achieve our goals in our own time but the one thing that is in common is that we are the only person who can make our dreams come true.  

So stop thinking & start doing!!!!!

Because it's all about Creating the LIFE I deserve :)

1st week on the 12WBT!

So it was 1 complete week yesterday since I started the pre-season of the 12WBT, how am I going well I will give you a run down :)

So on Monday 16th Jan 2012 I was all guns blazing for this challenge.  For exercise I completed my 6.5km track by jogging 5.5km of it & walking the other 1km & I burnt 584 calories by doing that, great start.

Tuesday 17th Jan 2012 still got the fire in me.  Exercise for today was my 6.5km track again, once again I jogged 5.5km & walked the other 1km, burnt 581 calories that day.

Wednesday 18th Jan 2012, still going strong.  Decided to try out 1 of my new Michelle Bridges DVD the Super Shredder, only burnt 387 calories this day but that's better then none.

Thursday 19th Jan 2012, a long day last thing I wanted to do was exercise but I got my trainers on & got out that door to do my 6.5km track, again jogged 5.5km & walked the other 1km, burnt 531 calories.  That day was a slow day struggled to get moving but I JFDI which is what Michelle Bridges say's :)

Friday 20th Jan 2012 have a dinner out with the girls tonight so a RED FLAG event.  I decided to do 2 of Michelle Bridges DVD's the Seek & Destroy in the morning & the Super Shredder in the arvo burnt 689 calories.  So I enjoyed 1 glass of wine with dinner & stayed on water for the rest of the night didn't have an entree or dessert just a vegie main with a side salad, very happy with my choice though the main had pastry in it not the best but a lot better then I would have picked before I started this challenge.  Oh the other challenge I had this day was to make my friend a birthday cake, not 1 bit of butter icing passed my lips, I was very impressed :)

Saturday 21st Jan 2012, made this my rest day as I was working all day then straight to a BBQ at friends after work.  Was naughty had a little bit of birthday cake & 1/2 glass of wine, but again a huge improvement to how I use to be.

Sunday 22nd Jan 2012, this is my SSS day known as Super Shredder Saturday tho it was Sunday for me this is the day where we burn 1000 calories :)  So I meet up with my friend Leigh & we walked up the Mount & then walked around the Mount we were only up to 750 & something calories, so we walked to Leisure Island & found some steps to walk up & down then I did some jumping jacks & lunges.  Still only 920 calories so went across the road & walked up Mount Dury & back to the car finally 1021 calories done, YAY!  That was the best feeling EVER, I didn't want to stop till I saw that number at 1000 & when I did it put the biggest SMILE on my face!  When you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything.

So in a total of 1 week I burnt 3755 calories & I exercised 6 out of 7 days, WOW the new ME really has some DETERMINATION!

Yesterday Monday 23rd Jan 2012, was not a good day :(  I woke up with a dodgy tummy, so I spent the day in bed watching programs, nibbled on lollies & did NO exercise, the old ME was creeping in for a visit aaarrrggghhhh!!!!!!!

I decided fine today will be my REST day & the next 6 will have to be exercise days now.  I started reading the Michelle Bridges Crunch Time Book & did an activity in there about being honest with myself & writing down how committed I am to making the changes I need to make, a great way to kick me back into gear.

So in 1 week after all that HARD work I have managed to lose 1kg, wasn't very happy with that result but then I found this photo that helped me to see it differently.

I have lost 2 of these in 1 week!

I also took my measurements & again another awesome result from there, I had lost 11 1/2 cms overall on my body, I thought that's bloody amazing, YAY!  I don't seem to lose the weight that fast but cm's seem to go down very fast for me so I have to stop being so fixated on that bloody number showing on my scales.

Something I am learning to do!

I have a couple of small issues that work against me & I need to keep that in mind, I don't have regular movement with my bowels & I also have an under active thyroid.  These are not EXCUSES for me to allow myself to be easy on myself but I need to remember this to why I may not see the results as fast, I just have to work harder & need to be more patient & give it time.

So that's it for me this week, I have decided to only write in my blog once a week with my updates of how I am doing or if I have something major happen that I need to share then I will.  Until then remember I am Creating the LIFE I deserve, why don't you do the same!