Thursday, 19 July 2012

Oops "OLD ME" came to visit!!!!

So I am writing this to say it out loud, to admit to my relapse, to face my demons, to confront the ugly truth, yes I think you get the idea.  It's CONFESSION TIME!!!

The thing is my confession isn't a huge relapse or a big slip, but it's been enough to SCARE me & for me to know that I need to NIP it in the butt NOW!   When it comes to exercise I have that down to a tee & I LOVE it more then I thought was ever possible, realizing that I have more courage then I thought I had in me  to try new things, to explore areas out of my comfort zone, to push myself beyond the limit I thought I was capable of.

My downfall is the "F" word, yes I know I have already admitted to letting FOOD win it's wicked ways with me, but the last few weeks I have been allowing it to creep more & more back into my mouth.  I am aware that I control what my hand feeds my mouth but I am not sure if it's winter or that I have got comfortable with where I am at or that I am struggling to get my next weight loss phase to start???  Actually to be honest all those reasons play a part in the way I have been & now I just have to OWN it & MOVE on.  Being down on myself about the matter isn't going to do any good it's only going to create more weakness for the "OLD ME" to play on.  With that being said I REFUSE to let that happen.

I have an AMAZING support system around me with my hubby, friends, family & the new gym that I am with.  There really isn't any reason for me to feel like I am alone, so why am I behaving like I am???  You see food use to be my comfort friend for when I felt alone, for when I felt like no-one else would understand what I was feeling.  I would consume food & let it push down those feelings that I wasn't ready to deal with, cover up the real issue, force feed my denial literally.  All that ever did was mask my pain with more layers of FAT to carry on my body, that isn't healthy either.  So these days I may see the old habits move back in on a very temporary basis, the difference is my eyes are more open, the "NEW ME" knows to grab the emotion that I am feeling & to deal with it.

Nothing in life is easy, otherwise we wouldn't need to have our vices our little bad habits to get us through the day & so on.  Life is all about self discovery, learning how to cope with dramas of all kinds, teaching ourselves to understand that we aren't perfect but we are human.  I have learnt that I need to be kind to myself, to acknowledge my downfalls but to focus on how far I have come more then anything to remember the achievements I have completed in the last 6 months.

Now that I have shared my little slip in the road,  the "NEW ME" will take back the POWER!

6 months ago, I wouldn't have believed that I could lose 20.2kgs, that I could run a 5km Fun Run, that I would be getting up at 5.30am each morning to do my work-out & that walking up The Mount would be one of my favourite pass times.
A view of the Mount in the distance taken from the Papamoa Hills.

Being blessed to live in such a beautiful part of the world, truly is a gift.  Today I got to enjoy some of that beauty while I walked the Papamoa Hills with my friend Bronya.  Together we have decided to always do one event each month, this can be a paid & organized event or something we make up.  These are some of our goals to complete by the end of the year.
August Saturday 4th, Tough Guy/ Tough Gal Challenge in Rotorua.
August Saturday 18th, Adrenlin Forrest, Pyes Pa, Tauranga.
September Saturday 15th, A "BIG" Mount Session, made up by us.
October Saturday 27th & Sunday 28th, The Pinnacles Walk, Coromandal.
November Sunday 25th a 10km Fun Run, Tauranga.

Looking at that list I am pretty happy I have so much to look forward too & to work towards, it's exciting!!!

I could ramble on for ages about so many things but time does not allow it, but I have shared the part that I needed to share the most & I thank you for being there for me to do so.

Thanks again for reading my post & remember it's all about Creating the LIFE I deserve ;)