Finally seeing it for myself, YAY!!!

Hello everyone

So after my very emotional release last week & gaining an understanding about my weight issues, I have lost another 0.9kgs this week :)

Here are my stats:
Since September 2011 I have lost a total of 15kgs & 15.4% percent of my body weight, YAY!
Since January 13th 2012 I have lost 10kgs.
Since February 16th 2012 I have lost 4.8kgs & 5.5% of my body weight.

Now for some before & after photos to show the difference, I apologize now for not smiling, but I am going to make more of an effort from now on to be happy in my photos, lol.

15kgs lost in these photos!

10kgs lost in these photos!

I am 2.5kgs away from being in the 70's again & I can't wait & know I will do this, so roll on 79.9kgs here I come! (oh & when I reach 79.9kgs too I will finally be in the overweight BMI range)   Only another 4.7kgs & I then will have lost 20kgs since the beginning of my weight loss journey.

I went shopping this week & brought 2 items in a size 12, I am still officially a size 14 but I can vary from a 12/14 on the top & I am happy about that.  I also purchased my dress for the Finale Party in Melbourne, can't wait to celebrate with my bestie Mandy Howells who I have done this weight loss journey with.  We may have an ocean between us but we have been there for each other every step of the way, so our reward is going to Melbourne & celebrating with all the other 12WBT people.  Along with Mandy I will also be sharing a special celebration drink & hug with Cass Thurston the amazing lady that inspired me to take this step & try this program, to her I must say a BIG THANK-YOU!

Our tickets have been purchased & our accommodation booked & paid for, so just have to save up for some spending money to be able to buy a few little things for myself.

I am very grateful & thankful for the AWESOME support I have found with the ladies in the Facebook groups that I am with who are also doing the Michelle Bridges 12WBT Program.  Your words of support & advice have meant so much & have been truly appreciated, you have made my journey a lot easier & helped me when I needed it too.  My wise friend Mandy said something today to another lady on 1 of the support pages I am with, there is no limit for that finish line you will reach your finish line when you get there & I WILL!

My life is blessed with so much & I have only enriched my life more by allowing myself to travel this path towards my journey, of Creating the LIFE I deserve.

In memory of Joshua & Samantha Garner ♥♥♥

Hello people

So I had a huge thing happen today, I said it out loud why I am where I am today with my weight & what I used as a reason for allowing myself to get where I was,  to become who I was.

You see I lost my baby brother Joshua & baby sister Samantha in a horrible car accident coming up 4 years on June 15th & July 7th.  Joshua died instantly & Samantha passed away after fighting for 3 weeks, but they were both in the same accident.

Anyway I have been saying it to myself for a couple of weeks but I said it out loud today to 2 different friends & both times I got emotional & as I type this I have tears in my eyes.  After the accident in 2008 I found comfort in food as I usually do & over a 3 year period I gained 20kgs, yip that's right 20 bloody kilos!!!

So my wake up call was when I saw a photo of myself from my 35th birthday in July last year & in September I thought I have to lose this weight, so I began to exercise & cut back on my food intake.  I lost 5kgs but it never went any further then that because I just wasn't fully committed to doing it.  Then my friend Cass discovered the Michelle Bridges 12WBT program & she achieved amazing results which got me interested.  So in Jan 2012 when the pre-season began I started to take things seriously & I made the changes that I needed to make, part of it was because I spent money which I didn't want to be a waste of time doing plus my hubby wouldn't let me live it down if I didn't try my hardest.  I also have a competitive nature & have a few friends doing this program with me & I use that also to push me.  I know we are all in the same boat & wanting the same thing but if they are doing really well I want to be doing the same, so it encourages me to stay on track.

So the big self discovery is that while talking with my friend Bronya today I actually explained something to her that made sense & also helped me to understand why it had been hard for me to lose the weight this time.  You see I was using the food as comfort but I was also using the food as a way to focus on something different, MY WEIGHT!!!  If I got bigger I only had to concentrate on that, with great i'm fat, i'm looking awful, I don't want to go out because I don't want people to see me like this etc...  I am soon realizing though as I am shedding that weight I am also shedding my shield that was hiding my pain, the grief that I was burying away & trying to avoid dealing with.  Yip coming up 4 years & some may say that I should have dealt with my issues surrounding that, but nope I haven't as my focus was on my weight just the way I wanted it to be.

Here I am 14.5kgs lighter & my protective layer is being taken away, so now I have to open up & deal with the grief.  This will sound silly but I feel with every kilo I lose a part of them is disappearing too, which I know isn't true but I hope you understand what I am trying to say.  Now I am completely crying while typing because I am letting go of so much hurt & anger from what was taken from me & my family when I lost my beautiful sister & my wonderful brother.  Life is cruel & things will never be the same, however I am here still alive & I was blessed to have been given Joshua for 24 years & Samantha for 14 years & I wouldn't change a thing about that part.

I am a believer that everything happens for a reason, even though I can't understand the reason behind this.  I can be thankful that Samantha's lungs helped to save 2 kids lives & that Joshua graced us with gorgeous twin boys who remind us every day what a awesome daddy he was & would have been.  Also the area where that accident happened had work done on it pretty much straight away after the accident & what happened to my brother & sister should never happen again as a barrier is now up.  If that barrier had of been there when their accident happened they would still be with us today.  So in the end they have saved other families having to go through what we had to endure of losing our loved ones.

There is always more then just being FAT or overweight, there is always a story to why someone has got to be where they have & my facing up to mine it is allowing me to live the life I should be living & to grieve for my lost loved ones properly.

♥♥♥ RIP Samantha & Joshua ♥♥♥

"I am Creating the LIFE I deserve"

4 Weeks done in the 12WBT!

Wow, 4 weeks into the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation Program.

Feeling like the time is flying as we are already into week 5 of the actual program plus we had the 4 weeks on the pre-season, another 8 weeks to go.

Yesterday I had an emotional day, took some photos to compare to my photos from week 1 & I didn't see much of a difference which upset me & put me in a grump for a lot of the day yesterday.  I am a visual person & I have to admit not many people have noticed my weight loss & I have lost 12.5kgs so far & have lost over 81cms off my body.  So some excellent work achieved my ME by doing the hard work.  The one person that keeps telling me how great & sexy I am looking & how I am getting skinnier is my wonderful hubby he really is my best supporter & man I LOVE him for it!

I made up some weight loss jars last week as a way to help me to stay motivated & to watch my weight progress in a visual manner. Have lost 12.5kgs so far & have another 19.7kgs to go to be at my 1st ulitmate goal weight & then I will re-look at it :)

However I am getting lots of people telling me how great I am doing with my exercise & that I am doing so well & to keep it up plus some people have also said that reading my posts is giving them the push that they need to do something about their exercise & weight loss goals, so that's rewarding & humbling to know.  Though I have to tell people there isn't a magic pill doing this for me, it all ME baby, my determination, my hard work, my sweat, my goals & my journey :)

Funny after 35 years here on earth & I am only just realizing that it's TRUE, clean eating & exercise is the key to good health & a great life & the best way to lose unwanted weight!

I completed my 4 week mini goal this morning, I walked around the Mount in beautiful Tauranga, Bay of Plenty (though I must admit it was rain & an overcast day, lol) & then I walked up the Mount twice.  It was hard but not as hard as I had made it in my mind.  Burnt 903 calories, yay! Once upon a time rain would have stopped me from doing exercise outside & would have been an excuse, NOT anymore the new ME doesn't mind a bit of rain because I realized i'm not going to dissolve in the rain, lol, it was actually enjoyable walking  in the rain a little refreshing :)

I have noticed I am much slower then others when it comes to doing certain exercises but I am improving from where I 1st began that's for sure.  I never say I run because I don't I am a slow jogger to say the least if not a shuffle walk at times, but I am moving & it helps to keep my heart rate up :)

If someone was to say to me that I would enjoy jogging one day I would have laughed in their face, but I must admit I find it therapeutic & use it as my "ME TIME" plus it is a great way to let go of stress.

So I have 2 1/2 weeks to get to my next goal weight to be 79.9kgs, so I am looking forward to weigh in on Wednesday because if what I saw on the scales this morning is anything to go by it should be a great loss for me.  Will keep you informed :)

Thanks again for reading my blog & remember I am Creating the LIFE I deserve xo