Sunday, 14 April 2013

Many changes & plenty of excuses!!!

Hi Everyone

Again I have allowed months to slide by before making another entry, have had so many changes in my personal life some great & others not so great.  I have also given in to my old ways by allowing some of these changes to be my ultimate excuse for falling off the wagon.  Been avoiding my support pages & my blog as it's a place of honesty for me & I wasn't ready to be honest & i'm not sure if I am yet either but I will try & use this as my stepping stone.  My fave quote when I haven't really given my 100% or done what I had said or planned on doing, I will say well baby steps is better then nothing, like i'm giving myself permission for me slack in attempt of an effort.

My happy & FAB news is that we have shifted into our new home, our own very 1st home, hubby & I are so excited & overjoyed that we have our own home!!!!  Hubby has been great & making our home look better & improving it for us making it ours more & more, I actually helped this weekend with the outside area too with water blasting the fence & concrete areas & then staining the fence.  We almost got it all done but ran out of stain so just a little bit at the back remains to be done.  We are both happy just staying at home on the weekends now coz we want to put any extra $$$ back into the house, pity this money thing holds up all our creative ideas.  I will continue to work hard as will hubby to make the $$$, just to improve our chances I will also continue to by our weekly lotto ticket you have to be in to win & never say never :)

Some sad news is that by beloved Nana passed away on Feb 13th 2013 after being with us for nearly 96 years, she would have turned 96 on June 2nd.  Nana was a very special lady & was loved by many, she had a wonderful life & gave us so many happy memories & I was blessed to have had her for as long as I did.

Due to Nana passing some family issues were also had, this was to be expected, coming from a large family where some saw things very differently to others.  Hurtful things were said & done which cannot be taken back & this saddens me more as through this I have lost one of my closest friends who was also my cousin, with all that we have been through I was surprised to find this was to eventually pull us apart.  Without going into too much detail what really gets to me is that not one person has come to my mother or myself or anyone from my side of the family to ask us what happened, they have been told one side of a story from people who hold grudges towards my mother & from what I see that has been held as truth to everyone.  Pity we weren't in court at least then we could tell our side of things.  All I can say is from where I sit this is all do with greed, grudges & years of resentful feelings.  RIP my beautiful Nana, your memory will live on in our hearts & you will never be forgotten.  I wish we could have given you the send off you deserved & I wish everyone was able to say a farewell to you as we had wanted but things were out of our hands, love you xo

So since the passing of my Nana, I have struggled with emotions through missing her but mainly from how things were dealt with & I need to work through it as I am using my old trusty, faithful friend FOOD to cope with it all & it's NOT good & NOT how I want to deal with it all!!!!
WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT MAY OFFEND -  I have gained 4kgs now since my lowest weight, though I know my current weight isn't really an honest weight as I also have trouble with going to the loo on a regular basis, coming up to 5 days today since I last went.  Over the last 6 weeks or so my tummy issues have come back in full swing, I have had tummy problems for years but it's on & off.  I have never had the pleasure of being a regular person when it comes to bowel motions so I am always jealous when I hear of people that have no trouble in that department.  Been watching Dr Oz which I must say has been interesting learning things as he was covering the issues that I am going through right at this moment, so perfect timing.  Have taken notes & I have also booked in to see a specialist at Health 2000 but there's a waiting period for that & my appointment is not till Friday 10th of May.  So I will start helping myself with my food diary with writing what I eat down each day, how much water I drink each day & when I suffer my tummy cramps.  Another thing I will concentrate on it eliminating certain foods & trying to eat certain foods to see if that makes a difference.  My aim is to be pro-active when it comes this area, as I cannot go on any longer with this pain, I am suffering physically, emotionally & mentally & I can't go on like this anymore.  At the moment I am relying on little pills to help me go once a week & it is playing havoc with my tummy & I would not like to know how much damage I am causing my insides by doing this.  So cross fingers for some answers soon & an improvement much sooner!!!

The other thing I wanted to touch base on was my last entry, well I was told by a few some had taken offence to what I had written about.  I was even deleted by a person on Facebook after them reading my blog.  In fairness my last blog was not aimed at that one person who did delete me but she did inspire the blog a wee bit.  My response to people were offended, why are you offended?  The only reason I feel someone would be offended by it, is because they feel guilty about something towards me or about how they are living their life.  I decided to have a good clean out on my Facebook friends, trying to keep my life more private still it's pretty hard to be too cut throat but I have managed to get it down to 202, still too many but over 100 people gone.  Ha ha suppose it's funny that I am trying to be more private on Facebook when I have a blog available to any Tom, Dick & Harry to read, but i'm ok with it all :)  I have gotten rid of the negative energy that was poisoning my life & thoughts & I feel I am slowly getting back to a happier place, it all takes time.

So to end today's blog, I would like to remind everyone some things, things that I am needing to be reminded of myself.
1: Live your life by truth, no matter how good you think you are hiding your secrets or living your double life, the truth always comes to light.
2: Remember when you judge others you are opening the door into your own life, make sure it's perfect, otherwise Karma is a bitch!
3: Say what you mean & mean what you say.
4: True friends love you for your good & bad qualities.  (This is where I am grateful for my life long friends, the ones that have known me for years & have never left my side.)
5: Love yourself, be kind to yourself & always be honest to yourself.
6: Remember we create our own happiness, so always remember what you are worth.
7: Life is to be lived, so do it with enjoyment.
8: A smile really can go a long way.
9: At the end of each day, look at what you are grateful for.
10: Only you have the power to be who you want to be, so make it happen!!!

Thanks again for taking the time to read my blog, sorry for all the dribble but I always feel so much better after writing my blog, so I need to share my feelings more it helps me with my journey.

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