Saturday, 30 June 2012
Oh, how my life has changed!
Well we are heading into week 5 of Michelle Bridges 12WBT, tomorrow Monday 2nd of July 2012.
This weight loss journey has truly taken me on a ride, experiencing some highs, lows & a whole lot more. When I made the decision to do this, I knew mentally I was ready, physically I needed to do it & emotionally I knew I was going to be having some deep realization moments. With that being said you are never prepared as you think you are when you begin a new way to live, because that's what I am doing, not a new quick fix lets lose some weight & I will see if I can keep it off. 2012 was going to be all about me & changing my habits for the better & for GOOD!!!!! Don't get me wrong, I had the mind set ready, the determination rearing & plenty of inspiration to get me going, my mind was made up & I wasn't going to chuck it all in after the first small bump that was going to come my way, HELL NO. I knew there were going to be many small bumps & some HUGE ASS mountains I was going to have climb to get where I was to be.
After 5 1/2 months I am over halfway through my weight loss journey & I have come a long way, but I still have a lot of hard work ahead of me & much more that I want to achieve. My exercising feels like it's a habit now not an effort my food however is still an area where much more work is needed. For some reason I keep using my old ways to cope with issues in life, old ways being lets eat our emotions lets comfort myself with a treat or two. Who cares if i'm not hungry or it's a band aid for the real reason that needs to be dealt with, lets do what we have always done & leave it at that. I must admit I have improve on how much I do scoff into my gob when using old ways to deal with pain or frustration. I will say to myself well it's no where near as bad as I once was, what am trying to do. YES reason with myself by making myself believe it's ok because it's still better then I once was. SHIT have I not learnt anything, FOOD will never be the right answer. The right answer is to understand why I am doing what I do, why I feel that's the only way to deal with situations where I feel lost, confused, hurt. FOOD has always been my comfort companion, I do feel a little lost without my food friend, but it's time to get hard with myself & face my fears, face my demons & face reality.
So the past couple of weeks, I have had a few health hurdles. Terrible throbbing headache, a sore back after putting it out mildly & now I am down with the flu :( Yes shitty time, but no time for a self pity party. Just a part of life, we will incur sickness & injuries along the way. Usually this is a time where I would fall off the wagon when I have a number of health issues happening at once, though this time I am viewing it with eyes wide open & know it's just small time frame in the big picture. These things will not get me down & I will not fall back into old patterns & use this as an EXCUSE to give it. Six months ago I would have been oh well can't do anything at the moment, don't want to make things worse, better rest & just wait till I am 100%, this could well be 2 weeks as I always wanted to be safe & overly cautious. However this time, I took a day of for my headache, I took 2 days off for my back & I am using today as a rest day for my flu & might even have tomorrow off too. That's it though, last week I had signed up to a new gym called Tauranga Strength & Conditioning, this was a new challenge for me where I would be pushing myself in a new way & I was all pumped for it. So you can imagine my misery after doing my back in last weekend & having to miss my 1st class on Monday at 5.30am, went to the Osteopath on Monday she seemed to help & I started to do my exercises that she gave me & just did light lifting & careful moving. My Osteopath told me to have the week off but I thought hmmm I will see how I go, the old me would have said oh I better take the week off then. Wednesday I was at my 5.30am class & just did what I could, I went again on Thursday & Friday at 5.30am & then again Saturday at 7am. Plus I did my usual Mount session after my class on Friday. I started with a sore throat on Thursday morning but went down hill Saturday afternoon, yes I think my body is telling me to rest, so I am listening to it but I am not going to use these reasons to hold me back any longer then they need to. It's AMAZING what you are actually capable of doing when you stop using excuses.
This is what I am happiest about the most, my new attitude, my new determination, my new lease on life & most of all my new positive mind frame. In the past making EXCUSES has never been a problem & most of all it's never bothered me that I was an EXCUSE queen. Now though I don't want EXCUSES to be a part of my life & I do not want them to stop me from living my life. Don't get me wrong if I really need to rest because I am exhausted I will, i'm not going to be much help if I push myself beyond my limits, but I also know my limits are much bigger then I give myself credit for. I think excuses for me was a way of hiding, just in case I failed with what I wanted to achieved, using sickness or injury as my cover story. Honestly who was I failing though, no one but my own expectations. So I was being my own worst enemy, the fact is these days I think just getting out there & giving something a go & if you come, 1st, 10th or last it doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is that you got out there & gave it a go & did your best. This should be your only expectation of yourself to try things out of your comfort zone & give it 100%, FEAR is crippling sometimes & I have allowed that to hinder me too many times but not anymore. FEAR is my friend, because it's making me realize I am stronger & much more capable of doing more then I have ever thought possible, I am being a willing participant in my own LIFE & it feels bloody awesome.
Just wanted to share with you some photos of my journey so far. I haven't shared this blog apart from private groups but now I am going to share this on my page for the 1st time on Facebook, that's another step towards not being scared of who I was & who I have become. I am proud to be ME & I am embracing life with both arms giving it a BIG hug of gratefulness :)
Me at my heaviest on my 35th birthday party 01.07.11, 97.7kgs
(was so close to that dreaded 3 digit number)
Here I am at 92.7kgs 05.01.12 (thinking I was looking ok, if I hid under loose tops etc...)
Here I am on the official start of Michelle Bridges 12WBT Round 1 13.02.12 at 87.4kgs
This was taken on 29.06.12, I am wearing size 12 & weighing 78.4kgs
& I have also lost a total of 126.5cms all over.
So I am wanting to lose at least another 13.4kgs & I may go for more, I am just going after small goals at a time & I hope to be at my goal weight by 16th of Dec 2012 & ROCKING my new look for Xmas & NYE!
Thanks for reading my blog & here's to creating the LIFE I deserve, why don't you join me & create the life you deserve, it's a much better way to live :)